‘Yesterday’

There comes a point in time when you can be kept busy enough to ignore what’s on your own mind. Eventually it catches up to you. Sometimes it’s a revelation, other times it’s something you wanted to deny.

Today was one of those days. I came back down to reality. Classes are over and my days have gone from spending time in class and socializing in the cafeteria for hours on end to being buried nose-first in the books. It gives you a lot of alone time to think. To contemplate. To come to realization.

I question my motives, my actions, and even my feelings over the past month. Am I being the person I was before or am I avoiding who I used to be – ‘Used to be’… have I really changed at all? Am I trying to keep myself busy, both physically and mentally to keep my mind off things? Am I trying to fill a void or am I trying to bring something new into my life?

Coming to Chicago has in a ways has been a ‘fresh start’ in my life; in some ways expected, and others unexpected. I love it here and I love how I’ve spent my time but there is still part of me that lingers in the past. How do I bring all of myself to the present?

Take it one day at a time…

Lassitude

So I never did the breast cancer walk… unfortunately for my lack of time management I would either have walked it and failed my anatomy practical or studied. I studied. Hopefully next year I’ll get off my lazy ass and do it.

Every year I tell myself I’ll take up running and it never happens. I’ve been looking into the Nike+ system and for those that know me and know about my obsession with statistics knows that it’s probably pretty awesome to me. Then again, those that know me don’t know me for being the most ‘athletic’ of sorts. So why not? I waste my life sitting on my ass 90% of the time when in all reality I just want to get out. I love exploring, experiencing new things. Sure running in the winter will obviously comprise of a treadmill and stationary scenery but in spring, summer and fall – running can take you anywhere. It’s a freedom to explore on your own or with a friend and at the same time feel good about yourself. We all need our own time and we all need our own things to do in those times.

That brings me to another topic. Passions. I’ve met so many people here that I feel like I’ve known forever and yet at the same time I know nothing of them. A good friend of mine here has a passion for playing the piano. Albeit he hasn’t played in awhile as he just doesn’t have time to he is still amazing at it (despite his modesty). Music is something that I rarely enjoy these days (although I am slowly bringing it back into my studying) but I find music is something that can make or break your day. To have that talent to physically produce music with your own hands is, in my opinion, something that is very powerful. Everyone has a talent that is unique to them. To some it’s athletics, others it’s music, others it’s academics.

I’m still looking…

Giving Back

Lately I have been feeling like I should do something good for society. Something completely unselfish – something that is in some part contributing to the betterment of society.

A friend told me, during a time when I needed to talk to someone, to think about who I want to become and what I would like to accomplish. Even though most of my time has been spent studying for exam after exam, I think I have come up with a few things, albeit I haven’t written them down for easy reference…

Anyway, (I need to cut this short as I am exhausted and I have a long day tomorrow) I have been thinking of doing a walk for breast cancer. Five miles. I suppose it isn’t completely unselfish… I have to admit I would feel proud of myself for even participating let alone walk five miles, not to mention I would feel good about participating in something that is in good faith, instead of living life for myself only.

We’ll see what I end up doing. I suppose I either need the support or the push to do things. At this moment I feel like I can’t predict how I will feel about anything hour to hour. It’s a busy couple of weeks and to be honest, it’s been emotionally rough and confusing. There’s always something to look forward to though and little things throughout the day can make all the difference…

So does the company that you have along the way…

Overturned

It’s amazing how quickly life can change…

Sometimes you just gotta’ rough it out on stormy waters for awhile.